Monday, February 7, 2011

Satu Pengakuan Dari Dasar Hati~

Tajuk entri macam tak bleh blah =D,memang sengaja pun sebab dis entri is all about my confession of my life,bagaimana i berubah dari satu fasa ke satu fasa dalam hidup..kalo nak cerita dari kecik memang tak mampu nak menaip n habiskan la*da la aku ni memang malas nak menaip sebenarnya*boleh tak kalo bercakap tapi kuar tulisan kat lappie ni,save masa sket,ngehngeh,ok la here my beginning.

Actually,kalo nak diikutkan kan memang banyakk sangat i nak share apa yang pernah berlaku kat i,apa yang i pernah lalui,bagaimana i lalui semua tuh, apa yang menyebabkan terjadinya sesuatu tuh,apa,kenapa,bagaimana,siapa n so on-so on.

Kat sini i juz nak cerita dasar-dasar je lah,tak kan bawah2 kelambu sume pun nak citer kan,sometimes kita kena simpan sedikit rahsia untuk diri sendiri kan,orang cakapla,tapi i pikir balik memang banyak betulnya,dont trust others,just trust urself more. ;)

Cerita ini alkisahnya bermula sejak abis SPM,senang citer kat matriks n uni punya zamanla kan,time tuh biasalah jiwa muda n darah muda,orang kapel kita pun nak kapel kan,pastuh orang putus kita pun nak putus jugakla kan*aku da mule merapu ni*,dipendekkan citer i paling-paling-paling berubah adalah after keputusan kecintaan*kan da terbukak rahsia ko ana*,gegege.

Sepanjang hidup i n seingat fikiran i yang masih waras ni,i pernah kapel tiga kali n putus tiga kali jugak,i taknak citer details kat sini,maklumla umum kan,remember ayat tadi,sometimes we must keep a lil secret to ourselves huh,i nak citer perubahan hidup i after i sekali lagi diulangi,keputusan kecintaan.

Masa first time after i keputusan,i dari seorang yang tak boleh pergi ke mana-mana seorang diri kerana ada perasaan pengecut dalam diri menjadi seorang yang lebih berani ke mana-mana seorang diri tanpa menghiraukan sesiapa lagi,bayangkan dulu masa kat matriks nak pegi cafe pun ajak kawan teman,punyalah penakut and perubahan paling besar masa ni adalah i jadi seorang yang betul2 independent until now,i kurang bergantung kat orang,i lebih berani wat semua benda sendiri after d tragic tragedy.Banyak kan sebenarnya hikmah putus cinta ni if kita ambik dari sudut positif n tengok dengan mata hati. :)

Second time punye keputusan,i jadi seorang yang lebih berhati-hati dengan lelaki,sebab yang second dulu berkawan dengan i rupa-rupanya ada udang di sebalik batu,apakah udangnya,biarlah rahsia.

Third time i keputusan?ha..yang ni yang paling memberi tamparan hebat n terkesan sekalik dalam hidup i sebab i never expect yang i akan keputusan kecintaan lagi,seyes dowh,never crossed to my mind,even appear perkataan,its over n we clash dalam kepala hotak haku nih,serious-serious-serious tak tipu,tapi tu lah macam lagu aiman-cinta terakhir kat bawah ni memanglah i sangat2 setuju noks:-

mungkin kitakan berbeza haluan
berakhirnya cerita percintaan
segalanya ketentuan tuhan
mungkinkan terputus di tengah jalan
mungkinkan terlerai tanpa ikatan
usah ragu dengan takdir
mungkin kitakan berbeza haluan
berakhirnya cerita percintaan
segalanya...2x
segalanya ketentuan tuhan....
ha..da dengar?best tak?best kan..apapun segalanya ketentuan Tuhan,i memang tak nafikan setiap yang berlaku memang baaaanyakk hikmahNya yang kadangkala kita sendiri pun terjangkau oleh akal dan minda,hanya Dia saja yang Maha Mengetahui sebab-sebab terjadinya sesuatu tuh,taapi selalunya sesuatu yang berlaku adalah refleks dari diri n tindakan kita sendiri,kadang-kadang kita mempersoalkan kenapa itu,kenapa ini,kita rasa macam kenapakah Allah bagi ujian seberat ini kepada kita,rupa-rupanya dalam kita sedar tak sedar,Dia ingin memberitahu kita yang Dia sangat-sangat menyayangi diri kita n tak nak kita jauh dari dia.
Actually,baaanyak benda happened to me in 2009 n 2010 yang i tak pernah duga n jangka,cukuplah i ulas satu kejadian sahaja yang i anggap paaaling pedih antara yang lain,memangg pedih perasaan itu,baru pedih dunia kan,bagaimanalah agaknya pedih di sana,nauzubillahiminzalik :(
Juga,apa yang i dapat simpulkan dari kejadian-kejadian itu,Dia ingin mendidik n mentarbiyah diri kita bahawa hidup ini hanyalah sementara,Dia ingin mengajar n mematangkan fikiran kita,juga mempersiapkan diri kita untuk menghadapi masa-masa depan yang lebih mencabar,masa i di zaman kegelapan n kepedihan i dulu,i realized yang Allah nak memberitahu i bahawa tiada apa yang kekal n abadi di dalam dunia ini kecuali Dia,dunia ini hanyalah sementara,apa yang Dia bagi kepada kita hanyalah pinjaman semata-mata,takde ape yang KEKAL,kita sebagai hambaNya perlu mensyukuri setiap apa yang ada.
Besides that,dari kekalahan n zaman kegelapan i yang dulu,i banyak belajar tentang erti kehidupan,rasa lebih dekat dengan Tuhan,family,lebih kenal kelebihan n kelemahan diri sendiri,macam mana i bangun?hm..i baaanyak beli buku-buku agama,buku motivasi,dekatkan diri dengan Dia,rasa jiwa lebih n sangat-sangat tenang,mendamaikan dari dulu,to my most n beloved Allah,i really wanna say that i reallyyyyy thank you soooo much,dis song from Mr.Maher Zain is really suits me,i will cry over n over again if i listen n feel dis song:-
I was so far from you
Yet to me you were always so close
I wandered lost in the dark
I closed my eyes toward the signs
You put in my way
I walked everyday
Further and further away from you
Ooooo Allah, you brought me home
I thank You with every breath I take.

Alhamdulillah, Elhamdulillah
All praises to Allah, All praises to Allah
Alhamdulillah, Elhamdulillah
All praises to Allah, All praises to Allah.

I never thought about
All the things you have given to me
I never thanked you once
I was too proud to see the truth
And prostrate to you

Until I took the first step
And that’s when you opened the doors for me
Now Allah, I realized what I was missing
By being far from you.

Alhamdulillah, Elhamdulillah
All praises to Allah, All praises to Allah
Alhamdulillah, Elhamdulillah
All praises to Allah, All praises to Allah.

Allah, I wanna thank You
I wanna thank you for all the things that you’ve done
You’ve done for me through all my years I’ve been lost
You guided me from all the ways that were wrong
And did you give me hope

O Allah, I wanna thank you
I wanna thank You for all the things that you’ve done
You’ve done for me through all my years I’ve been lost
You guided me from all the ways that were wrong
I wanna thank You for bringing me home

Alhamdulillah, Elhamdulillah
All praises to Allah, All praises to Allah
Alhamdulillah, Elhamdulillah
All praises to Allah, All praises to Allah.

Sangat sedih kan lirik dia,taaapi i memang banyak belajar dengan my last kehidupan,a lotsss,Terima Kasih CINTA Utama kerana masih memberi ruang untuk diri ini meneruskan n terus memperbaiki diri menjadi manusia yang lebih baik dengan seizinMu,insyaAllah,Oh Allah,dont let me go astray,You are the only that showed me the way ;)
So,i think i gonna stop here sebelum u guys tertido sambil membaca. =D

9 comments:

Nurul Aqlima said...

Memang sakit bila cinta kepada kekasih yg kita dambakan selama ini putus dipertengahan jalan...tapi ingatlah things happen for a good reason...sebenarnya Allah sayangkan kita..dan itulah juga sebenarnya petanda terbaik untuk diri dan kehidupan kita pada masa akan datang...All the best buat Missa Anna :D

Anonymous said...

Miss-u-know-who: beb,sgt suke entry ni sbb byk persamaan dgn I,hehe..all I can say is,the day 'it' happened,I thought that I am not strong to get thru all those things,n sumtimes I even fake my smile n my laugh jz 2 give ppl around me oh-she's-moved-on kind of feelings,huhu..n jz like u,never did I think it would happened to 'us',that one day 'we' will walk separately in different direction,huhu..I thought dat he's d one,yeah sounds cliche right?but come on,he's my bestfren,i've known him inside n outside,I've known him since I was 18,he's with me thru thick n thin,our family (mine n his) got along very well n we've even planned our engagement,wedding,future,so on n so forth,but turns out d one who makes me smile is d one who makes me cry,again..huhu..but after a few months,I came to realize that whatever the reason is,the real reason is actually we r not meant to be together,and at that time,all the sadness,hatred,disappointment n angry feelings I felt just disappeared, together with the i-will-wait-4-u-no-matter-how-long-it-will-takes feelings,heh,just like wanna puke here n there right?haha..yeah,I admit the 1st few weeks,the feelings of wanted to wait for him is so strong,n plus he still wants us to b friend,just like the old time,he still sms n call me,n obviously it didn't help myself to move on at all because he still wants to b friend,I want us to get back together,he wants to keep in touch n I don't want to have a contact with him anymore,very confusing right?huhu..so from there I learned to say no whenever he asked me out,I rarely reply to his sms (I never initiate a text 2 him,dat is just him who will start to sms me) n didnt answer to his calls just so dat he understand what I'm trying to say by my actions..it is not easy,believe me I know,but trust me it is not impossible,n that is the moment when I stop waiting for him,that is the moment when I stop hoping,n most important that is the moment when I say 'wake up girl,he is not coming back!' :) n now after 8months,we're still fren but we have our limit n we still updating with each othr's life..today I can proudly say 'I am so over him' :)

Anonymous said...

Miss-u-know-who: beb,sgt suke entry ni sbb byk persamaan dgn I,hehe..all I can say is,the day 'it' happened,I thought that I am not strong to get thru all those things,n sumtimes I even fake my smile n my laugh jz 2 give ppl around me oh-she's-moved-on kind of feelings,huhu..n jz like u,never did I think it would happened to 'us',that one day 'we' will walk separately in different direction,huhu..I thought dat he's d one,yeah sounds cliche right?but come on,he's my bestfren,i've known him inside n outside,I've known him since I was 18,he's with me thru thick n thin,our family (mine n his) got along very well n we've even planned our engagement,wedding,future,so on n so forth,but turns out d one who makes me smile is d one who makes me cry,again..huhu..but after a few months,I came to realize that whatever the reason is,the real reason is actually we r not meant to be together,and at that time,all the sadness,hatred,disappointment n angry feelings I felt just disappeared, together with the i-will-wait-4-u-no-matter-how-long-it-will-takes feelings,heh,just like wanna puke here n there right?haha..yeah,I admit the 1st few weeks,the feelings of wanted to wait for him is so strong,n plus he still wants us to b friend,just like the old time,he still sms n call me,n obviously it didn't help myself to move on at all because he still wants to b friend,I want us to get back together,he wants to keep in touch n I don't want to have a contact with him anymore,very confusing right?huhu..so from there I learned to say no whenever he asked me out,I rarely reply to his sms (I never initiate a text 2 him,dat is just him who will start to sms me) n didnt answer to his calls just so dat he understand what I'm trying to say by my actions..it is not easy,believe me I know,but trust me it is not impossible,n that is the moment when I stop waiting for him,that is the moment when I stop hoping,n most important that is the moment when I say 'wake up girl,he is not coming back!' :) n now after 8months,we're still fren but we have our limit n we still updating with each othr's life..today I can proudly say 'I am so over him' :)

missaanna.blogspot.com said...

aqlima:Alhamdulillah..i berjaya went thru d pain dgn bantuanNYA,now..sgt bersyukur dgn ujian itu sebab rase da semakin nampak hikmahnya,syukur sgt22333x pada Dia..hanya Dia saja yg Maha n lebih Mengetahui kan sebab2 sesuatu terjadi,Alhamdulillah syukur,i rase i semakin mengenali myself better. =D

missaanna.blogspot.com said...

anomymous aka nadiah,i replied ur comment in my inbox,hehheh,glad to know dat u like it!n me glad knowing u dearr..;)

Mr. Swift said...

Panjang tapi banyak makna. :)


Mr. Swift Currently Posted : Email Kontroversi Dari Lisa Surihani!

missaanna.blogspot.com said...

mr.swift:thx,i oredi followed ur blog!nice blog u hv!;p

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myworldmywordmythought.blogspot.com said...

hi ano..oh im very sori bcoz bru bace ur comment..i really apprcciate ur compliment,i dont deserve dat..huhu,btw i biase je..i mmg nk tulis tp i havent enuf time,ok la mebi i try update asap :p